FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, 1st April 2008

Bristol, England - Norb Technologies today announced SQL Coffee (TM), the first product specifically designed to work with SQL Server 2008, Microsoft's flagship database product, due for release later this year.

SQL Coffee 1.0 is designed to improve database team performance by automating, monitoring and performance tuning corporate coffee machine fleets. Previously known only by its code name "Blue Mountain", the product will allow enterprise level monitoring of the entire coffee workflow, from purchase to vending through to consumption.

"This is the most advanced just-in-time caffeine management system ever developed", said a spokesperson for Norb Technologies. "For the first time ever it will be possible to accurately estimate when to order, brew and deliver coffee to the corporate IT end user, using advanced, just-in-time delivery methods. As bloodstream caffeine levels drop, an intelligent nano-technology sensor injected into the artery of each IT employee will wirelessly relay critical bio-caffeine level data back to a central collection and data management system. This data is fed into a SQL Server 2008 data repository every 100ms, and aggregated across the enterprise."

Norb's spokesperson explains how this can then be utilized: "It is then intelligently used to forecast when new brews should commence within the user environment, or a new order made to the supplier. Ultimately, we hope to be able to monitor the whole caffeine consumption lifecycle, telling growers in the Caribbean precisely when to plant beans, based on the bladder pressure data gathered from the end consumer."

Working closely with Microsoft's SQL Server development team, the first retail release of SQL Coffee 1.0 will include a special system-based dynamic management view (DMV) that will allow database administrators (DBAs) to interrogate internal coffee machine performance and end user consumption on-the-fly, across the enterprise.

A suite of SQL Server Reporting Services plug-ins will also ship with the initial version of the product. These are rumored to include automated, real-time reports detailing coffee consumption, vending machine queue lengths, employee productivity levels and washroom visits, though these details have yet to be finalized.

System requirements are as yet unconfirmed, but are said to require SQL Server 2008 on Windows Server 2008, with at least 32Gb of ram and 4x Intel x7350 Quad Core processors.

About Norb Technologies

Norb Technologies is the world leader in SQL Server based performance software, coffee delivery and automation systems, driving the transformation and growth of the converging relational database and caffeine based industries. Norb Technologies make a range of SQL Server performance enhancement software to enable DBAs to enjoy SQL Server at its freshly brewed best.